THE 1955 WHITE CADILLAC EL DORADO "GET AWAY" CAR

Part Nine of "In Touch With His Soul, An Interview with Walden Welch", as conducted by Gina Cerminara. 

Dr: "So your psychic premonition that the two of them would divorce due to Ken's romantic involvement with a childhood sweetheart did indeed come to pass?"

WW: "It did, much to my regret. It was very difficult for me to understand how two people we so dearly loved could no longer find it in their hearts to love one another. I was very young of course, and therefore had little if any knowledge of what marriage and relationships were all about. I had been experiencing the difficulties of my mother's and Guy's relationship, yet, except for their difference in age, Ken and Sue seemed so perfectly suited for each other that I could not comprehend what had gone wrong between them. I tried to choose between who was  'the good guy' versus who was 'the bad'. Yet I loved them both equally and could not find one to be better or kinder than the other, and therefore it made it all the more difficult for me to understand. There simply wasn't a 'bad guy' to blame. I think that Mom was going through the same dilemma. She would have long private conversations with Ken - conversations I was not privy to. I would watch the serious expressions on their faces and know by the sadness in Ken's facial expressions that any hopes that Mom had of reuniting him with Sue would not come to be. It did not take him long to pack for his departure. Sue chose not to be at home that day. Mom and I were there to say 'goodbye'. We stood in his driveway as he hugged and kissed us both, then he knelt down by my side and said, 'I'm going to miss you most of all, Zeke,' as he slipped a small ring on my finger. 'It's your birthstone, a turquoise friendship ring made by the Indians in New Mexico. I want you to have it so you will always remember me.' As if I could ever forget him! I wondered if he ever knew that he was the father I had always wanted and that in my fantasies I pretended that he was. All I recall telling him was, 'I will always love you. I will never forget you.' And then Mom and I watched him drive north on South Olive Avenue, the very same route which the ambulance had driven the body of my other best friend Joanie away from me just two weeks before. He promised to write to us and always keep in touch. I would check our mailbox every morning in hopes that a letter would arrive, but we never heard from him again. Mom told me, 'Life is a series of changes one has to accept and adjust to. People have different pathways that they must follow and it would be wrong to take their choices away from them. Sometimes when we love we have to do so by letting go. God gave you a preview that this was meant to be. He wanted you to be prepared. Ken has his own destiny to follow. He must make his own choices. It's not for us to choose for him. Of course we wish he wouldn't leave Sue, but we love Ken and should support him in his pursuit of happiness. And we will watch over Sue and take care of her until she overcomes her grief. Something good will come from all of this. We can't see that now but I promise you it will. Things will get better for all of us. Something new and wonderful will come your way to take the place of your loss. Be patient. You will see.'"

Dr: "So, you were initiated into the grown-up world of change? It indeed appears you were at some star-crossed period of your life at this time·Joanie's death, Ken's departure."

WW: "This was just the beginning of a large series of changes that all unfolded within three months time. It would be a period of endings and new beginnings in our lives. In 1955 my natal chart was undergoing much activity with conflicts from the planets Mars, Saturn and Uranus. Of course, I was not aware of this fact at that time. Later in life, when I became an Astrologer, I looked back to that year in my Ephemeris to see how the planets had affected my life. It was fascinating to see the major activity the planets positions had formed in relationship to my Chart. Saturn meant 'permanent change and new beginnings'. Uranus was 'sudden and unexpected changes and upheavals'. A life turning over in topsy-turvy fashion, never being what it was before. Mars, of course, created 'violence and anger'. 1955 was one of the most planetary charged years of my life."

Dr: "Please continue. What else occurred?"

WW: "Let me think. I want to keep events in sequence. Oh yes, following Ken's departure Marilyn came to spend a few weeks with us. My grandfather retired that year. Grandma and Grandpa sold their farm in Tracy and bought a home in Santa Cruz, California, a beautiful little town by the sea. While my grandparents were putting their new home in order, Marilyn came to visit us. Needless to say, I was very excited because this was the first time I would spend with her since learning she was my sister·or rather my half-sister. Naturally, I did not let either Mom or Marilyn know that I was aware of our true relationship. I did everything I could think to do to go out of my way to be extra kind and friendly with her. I barely let her out of my sight. I paid special attention to anything she and Mom would say to each other. I listened to their every word hoping to uncover more information."

Dr: "With hopes of discovering anything which may suggest your mother's true relationship with Marilyn?"

WW: "Of course. And that moment did come. It came in a most unexpected yet perfect way. One morning, after having fed the chickens, I came into the house through the back door as I always did. As I entered the kitchen I could hear Mom talking to Marilyn in the living room. There was something different in the tone of Mom's voice that caught my attention. I quietly tiptoed across to the archway to the living room, hiding behind the wall so I could eavesdrop on their conversation. Despite the fact that, of course, I had no right to do this, I will always be grateful that I did. If I hadn't I would never have ever known Mom's relationship or true feelings regarding Marilyn. What I overheard that day assured me that my mother did not have a hidden, heartless side to her nature. That she might was my greatest fear. My Aunt Lorraine had so confused and distorted whatever she knew to be the truth about Marilyn's birth that I had no way of knowing what to believe. I listened as Mom pleaded with Marilyn, 'Please Sweetheart? Please give me a chance? I want you to live here with us. I know you will like it if you will just please try?'  'No, I don't want to. I want to go home to Mama and Papa. I belong with them. That's my home,' Marilyn replied. She appeared to be very upset and definite. 'Honey, you won't have to stay if you don't want to. I just ask that you give it a try? Just start school here and see if you like it? Please give me a chance? I promise I will let you go back if you say you don't like it here? Just one chance?' It was never Mom's nature to whimper or beg. I could tell by the sound of her voice that she was crying and more than desperate for a chance that Marilyn would cooperate and give in to her plead. 'No! I absolutely won't. I'm sorry to hurt you, Julie, but I want to go home.' I could see Mom wiping her eyes and I felt pathetically sorry for her. 'Very well, Sweetheart. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I promise you I won't make you do anything you don't want. Please just stay with us for a few days longer, and then you can go home. O.k.?' I tiptoed backwards through the kitchen and out the back door. Neither of them had known I had ever been there. After hearing their conversation I knew without question that Mom had not wished to be separated from her daughter, that she was the loving and caring person I had always known her to be. The integrity of Mom's character mattered foremost to me and now my mind could be at rest."

Dr: " Did you also discover who Marilyn's father was that day?"

WW: "No. In truth, I do not think that was important to me. I wasn't really certain what a father was. From what experiences I had lived I couldn't think of anything significant or of importance that a father could add to my life. I knew I had one, but I had only seen him once. He never phoned or wrote me. There was little, if any, consistency to our relationship. The two Robert Louis Stevenson books he had mailed me was the only other contact I had ever had with him. Of course there was Les and Guy, but my relationship with them spoke for itself. Besides they were called stepfathers and, by the very sound of that reference, it was apparent that that was something very different from the real thing. At that period of my life, my grandfather and Ken were the only two men I had ever felt love for. Mom's love was enough. I never felt unloved or neglected. I had given up wishing for a father after my meeting with Bud when I was about five. I mean I did hope then that something would happen between us, but the following years brought no communication from him so I adjusted to the fact and went on with my life. Besides, I did not yet know that it took both a father and a mother to make a child. I had no realization regarding the sexual process that it took. You must understand· I was very naive. (Laugh) Perhaps I'm giving myself too much credit by saying I was na•ve. Just plain 'stupid' is a fairer description. You see·I had no real knowledge of how babies were born. I actually thought that mothers went into a doctor's office and picked out the baby they wanted and took it home with them. (Laugh) I never fell for that 'Stork' bit! I thought I was far too wise to fall for that one. I have no idea where I came to the conclusion that I did, but that is what I believed. Mom never hid the facts of life from me. She had discussed sex and reproduction with me, but I just didn't get it. I remember, after one of her conversations on the matter, I just couldn't believe my ears! I said to her, 'MAMA! DON'T YOU EVER LIE TO ME LIKE THAT! THAT'S DISGUSTING! NOW YOU TAKE BACK WHAT YOU SAID! YOU KNOW VERY WELL THAT YOU NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN YOUR LIFE! NOW TELL ME THE TRUTH! THE DOCTOR GAVE ME TO YOU AND YOU TOOK ME HOME!' I was livid! (Laugh) And obviously pretty stupid, Gina. Naturally I picked up a lot of sexual information by listening to what the older kids at school said on the subject. I'd hang onto their every word, hoping to get all the facts straight and thus end the confusion and solve the mystery once and for all. After weeks of investigation, I finally sorted all the facts I had heard and came to the conclusion that there was definitely a 'secret' and unmentionable part of a woman's body where babies came out of. I had finally figured it out! Baby's come out of belly buttons! The belly button was the 'mystery spot', the most private and personal part of a woman's body·the forbidden zone! So that's what Mom had been trying to explain to me? It all made sense· or so I thought at the time. Well, one day our school took my class to a public swimming pool for a picnic and a day of swimming. I changed into my bathing trunks in the boys' locker room along with the others. When I started out the door to the pool area, I could not believe my eyes! I had never been so embarrassed! I just stood there, frozen from sheer mortification! All the girls were dressed in two-piece bathing suits with their belly buttons showing! I had never in my life been so embarrassed! I covered my eyes with my hands and ran back into the locker room. I refused to come out again until all the girls were dressed and ready to leave for home."

Dr: (Laughing) "How wonderful! What a delightful story. The perfect gentleman!"

WW: "Anyway, later that afternoon I did discuss what I had overheard with Marilyn. I asked her not to tell Mom what I had heard said between them, and she promised me that she wouldn't. 'Why won't you stay?', I asked. 'Won't you please give mama a chance? I'd like you to live with us, too.' 'No, I can't,' she replied. 'I'd miss Grandma and Grandpa too much. I want to be in Santa Cruz with them. I love Julie, but I don't want to live here. Besides, she doesn't know about Guy.' 'What about Guy?', I asked. 'He's a dirty old man!', she answered disgustedly. 'He tries putting his hands on me in my private places, and he walks around in his shorts in front of me when no one else is around. He has tried to get me to get in bed with him. I hate him and I don't want to be around him.' I was shocked and dumbfounded by what she told me. I had no idea that this behavior had been taking place. 'Have you told Mama?' I asked. 'Of course not! I can't tell Julie,' she replied. 'It would kill her. And don't you dare tell her either, do you hear? We have to keep this a secret. Promise me you won't tell.' I crossed my heart and answered, 'I promise. Are you going to tell Grandma and Grandpa?'  'Of course not. If I told Grandpa, he would shoot Guy. I can't tell anybody. But now you know why I want to get out of here, and if you were to tell anybody it would ruin yours and Julie's lives forever. You wouldn't have anywhere to go. Julie's sick and she needs to be taken care of. Putting up with Guy is better than nothing. We gotta keep this a secret for her sake.' I knew, of course, that Marilyn was right. Mom was ill and we needed someone to support us. She needed expensive medicine daily and I knew that even if I took my job as a paper boy back the measly little amount of money it paid would never be able to support us. It was best Marilyn and I keep the secret about Guy's disgusting behavior from Mom. Marilyn left us a couple of days later. Mom cried as she kissed her goodbye and now I knew why she cried. I was so terribly unhappy for Mom. She had done all she could to try to claim her daughter back and had failed."

Dr: "And the reason that she failed is most pathetic of all. The awareness and protectiveness of children is amazing. You two had to carry the burden of truth for your mother's sake. What a responsibility for you and your sister."

WW: " I retreated even further from Guy after that. He was an even worse person than I had thought, were that possible.  I will always wonder if Marilyn would have lived with us had his sexual advances towards her not happened. She was barely fifteen at that time. Mom might have had a few years with her in which they may perhaps have established their true relationship. I knew, of course, that Guy had tormented Mom by claiming he was seeing other women. This deception had gone on for as long as they had been together. In that I was not aware of the relationship of sexuality, I assumed this meant that he was kissing other women and showing them all the affection he never showed Mom. He talked about sex a lot - that was his favorite topic. After Marilyn told me that he tried to touch her in her 'private places', I began to realize there was something more to it than just kissing, but I wasn't exactly certain as to what. I knew it was something nasty and forbidden and really didn't want to know what it was. He would smirk at me and ask, 'Are you screwing your little girlfriend Joanie? How is it? Why don't you tell her I can give it to her like a real man?' He was disgusting! I didn't really know what he was talking about. I only knew it was something nasty and vulgar and that I shouldn't tell Mom."

Dr: "Your initiation into the world of human sexuality was indeed a most unfortunate one. It is not unusual for boys aged eleven to be sexually naive. From what I have studied regarding human sexuality, this is not unusual at all."

WW: "Come on Gina! Let's admit it·I was pretty damn dumb! Belly buttons?" (Laugh)

Dr: (Laugh) "Well·perhaps· just a tad!"

WW: "Shortly after Marilyn left us, Mom told me that my father was coming to visit me. The news seemed to come out of nowhere. I couldn't imagine why he would be doing this. I hadn't seen him since I was five. I was excited, of course, but very confused as to why he wanted to see me. Maybe it was because he had heard I had been ill?"

Dr: "Meaning your bout with 'Susan-I-Tis'?"

WW: "That's all I could imagine. I was certain Mom never had any contact with him. Guy had forbidden that. I assumed she might have phoned him when the doctors said they expected me to die from Spinal Meningitis. Anyway, the announcement that he was coming to see me really created havoc with Guy. He forbid him to come to the house to pick me up. He demanded that Mom was not to see nor speak to him. They argued the matter for several days. I think Mom finally relented to his demands out of sheer frustration and to make things easier for us around the house. The wait for his arrival had created such havoc in our lives that I regretted his coming. Guy stayed angry until the day my father arrived. It was arranged that Sue would drive me to his hotel to meet my father and then after our visit she would pick me up and bring me home."

Dr: "It sounds as if Guy may have been jealous?"

WW: "He may have been. If so, it wouldn't have been over me. He may have been jealous over Mom. Perhaps he knew she had never stopped loving Bud. I don't know. I don't know what conversations they may have had amongst themselves regarding my real father."

Dr: "What did you two do during your visit?"

WW: (Laugh) "I had him take me to see 'I'll Cry Tomorrow' starring Susan Hayward, for the fifth time! Sue drove me to meet him at The Stockton Hotel where he was staying for one night. As we drove to the hotel it was obvious that Sue was very upset about something. I asked her what it was. 'That damned Guy Foss! The way he treats you and your mother! He's the meanest man that ever took breath! Julia deserves better! You deserve better! It breaks my heart that you two have to endure him. If your father asks you if you're happy, don't you lie. Tell him the truth. Tell him what a bastard Guy Foss is! Tell him how he hits you and torments your mother. Your father deserves to know the misery he has brought upon you two. It's because of him your mother's life has been ruined. If he hadn't put booze before her, things would have been different. There is no excuse for what he has done to you two!' I, of course, knew of Sue's hatred towards Guy. I had not realized until this moment the resentment she held for my natural father as well. She walked me into the hotel and took me to the desk clerk to have him phone my father's room and tell him I had arrived. While waiting there I heard a mans voice from behind me say, 'Wally? Sue? Are you Sue Martin?' Sue turned around to see who it was. I knew, of course, who it was. It was my father. I wasn't sure I would remember what he looked like. I had all but forgotten the sound of his voice and could no longer recall the appearance of his face. When I turned to face him, there stood this amazingly handsome tall man. He looked just as he had when I last saw him at age five. My memory of his appearance returned. I timidly smiled at him and said, 'Hi.'

"Well, as I said, he took me to see 'I'll Cry Tomorrow'. He was deeply moved by the movie. He actually cried during several scenes. He would remove his handkerchief from his vest pocket to wipe his eyes. I knew that he was embarrassed and did not want me to see. I worried that I had made a bad choice selecting this movie for us to see. I had forgotten that he was an alcoholic and that the subject matter of the film might be too emotionally personal for him. 'I used to have that problem, Wally,' he said to me. 'I am an alcoholic, too. I have overcome that problem now though and I am well.' I was ashamed that I had used such bad judgment and was disgusted with myself for my stupidity. However, it was nice to sit in a darkened theatre watching a film so that we didn't have to talk. I was too nervous to know what to say to him. I recall just sitting there, constantly wiping the nervous sweat from my palms on my pants legs.

"After the movie he took me out to lunch. On our way to the restaurant we walked by a hobby shop. There in the window was a toy model of a white 1955 Cadillac El Dorado car. It was my favorite car and I dreamed one day to own one, if only in make-believe.  I asked him if I could go inside to see it, so we went into the shop where he removed the model car from its shelf and handed it to me. 'Wow! Five dollars!', I exclaimed. 'I'll never to able to save that much money in a million years!' To my embarrassment he handed the salesman the money to pay for the car to give to me as a gift. I was so ashamed I had mentioned it. It wasn't my intention to trick him into buying me the car. 'No, please. I don't want it. I wasn't hinting for you to buy it for me,' I said. 'Honest, I wasn't. Please get your money back. I'm sorry I said anything.' He insisted that I keep the car and then took me to lunch. I had a hamburger and fries with a coke, of course. I can't recall what Dad ordered that day. It was a quiet luncheon. We didn't talk about much. I'm certain that he was as nervous and apprehensive as I. He asked me the usual things·'How do you like school? What sports do you like'· unimportant, safe conversation things just to fill the time. When he asked me, 'Are you happy? Are you having a happy life with Julia and Guy?' I remembered what Sue had told me, 'Don't lie. Tell the truth and don't lie.' But, I did. I did lie. I told him things were fine. He questioned me a great deal about Mom - how was she·was she happy? It was indeed an awkward and uncomfortable afternoon for both of us. Bud's hands trembled from nervousness. I don't believe he knew what to do to entertain a child, and I was uncertain as to what I could do to make him like me. I only answered when spoken to which surely made it harder for him. His voice was soft and low. He didn't speak much. There were long silences in his conversation. If there was one factor we both shared it was mutual shyness.

"After lunch we walked back to the hotel. When we entered the lobby Sue had already arrived and was waiting for me. She said she wanted to speak to my father privately for a few minutes and asked me to sit and wait for her. I took a seat on a sofa in the lobby while she and my dad sat across the room from me on two overstuffed chairs. I watched their faces from afar, trying to read their lips as they talked. My father would occasionally glance across the room, his eyes upon me, and a very concerned look upon his face. Something Sue had been saying to him brought him to tears. I watched as he wiped his nose and eyes with a handkerchief he had removed from his breast pocket. I became a little apprehensive and frightened that she might be telling him about me -  about my strangeness, the supernatural happenings which seemed to plague my life. I didn't want him to know about this strange aspect of myself. Their conversation did not last long. Towards the end he handed Sue a white legal sized envelope, which she placed in her purse. Then they stood, shook hands and walked back to where I was sitting. 'I guess it's time for me to say goodbye now. I had a really nice time and appreciate your coming to see me. I hope you had a good time too, Wally?', he asked. 'Oh, yes sir, I did.' I replied. 'Thank you so much for the movie and the lunch and the car and for coming such a long way to see me.' I tried my best to be as polite as I possibly could. 'I'd like to see you more often if I could?' He continued, 'Maybe you could come and visit me in Bakersfield some day?' He waited for my reply.  'Thank you for asking, but I don't think I would ever be able to do that.' I answered. 'You see, I need to be at home to take care of Mom, and Guy's away at work a lot so it's my job to take care of the chickens, too. But maybe you could come up here and see me again sometime when you're not too busy?' Once again I had said the wrong thing! I could tell by the look on his face that my answer had disappointed him greatly. Instead of looking at me he looked at the floor. 'I see,' he replied. Nothing more, just, 'I see.' I felt very sorry for him. I hadn't meant for my answer to come as a rejection. But now it was too late to take it back. 'Well, we will just wait and see what the future brings. I promise to do my best to see you more often. I have to say goodbye now. It's time for Sue to drive you home. Be sure to tell Julia I said "Hi". O.K?' He then bent down towards me and quickly kissed me on my lips. He hadn't kissed me the first and only other time I had met him. I was wonderfully taken by surprise. 'I will remember today for a long, long time. You're a wonderful boy, Wally. I want you to know that I love you very much and I think about you everyday. I don't think you know that, but I do. I hope you might learn to love me too.' I lifted my face in his direction and puckered my lips to give him a kiss of my own. 'Yes Sir,' I replied. 'I could do that. I could love you back, too.' I then kissed him back for myself. His eyes were all watery and I, therefore, knew for certain that he cared for me. The last thing he said to me was, 'I love you, boy.' Then turned his back and walked to the elevator to go up to his room.

"'What did he give you?', I asked Sue as she was driving us home. 'I saw him give you a white envelope. Is it something for me?' 'No, it's a letter he wrote to Julie,' she replied. 'It's a personal letter for her that Guy is not to know of nor see.' She handed the letter to me. 'Hide this on you and give it to her when Guy is not around. Guy must not see it. And for God's sake make sure Bucky doesn't know about it either. You know he tells Guy everything! It's not for you either so don't be nosey and peek.' 'I won't peek. I promise.' Wondering what her and my father's conversation had been about I continued, 'Sue? Will you tell me something true if I ask you?' 'Well, of course, Honey. You know that I would. What is it you want to know?', she asked. 'Did you tell my dad about how strange I am?' I asked quietly. 'Strange? I don't know what you mean? I told him that you're a wonderful boy, if that's what you mean.' I could tell she didn't seem to understand what I was implying. 'What I mean is, did you tell him that I'm kind of strange and different from other people? You know? Like the things that I hear and see? I hope you didn't because I'm afraid he might think I'm crazy and never come back to see me again.' Sue turned her head to look at me, 'You are not crazy! You are not strange! However can you think that? Why, I hoped that you would have told him about the wonderful things you have experienced for yourself.  I'm sure he would have been very proud. You have been given one of the most special and wonderful gifts in this world. Appreciate it and be proud! Besides, it is not for me to tell him anything you wouldn't tell him yourself. I did not discuss this special ability you have. But, I don't ever want to hear you refer to yourself as "strange" again. You are a joy to your mother and me and everybody else who knows you.' 'Well, I was just wondering if you said anything about me because he kept looking at me kind of funny while you were talking to him. He was upset about something because he kept wiping his eyes with his handkerchief,' I added. 'That wasn't about you, Sweetheart. Well, I guess it was in a way. I told him about how you and Julie are treated by Guy. I told him that it was about time he took some responsibility for your sakes. I suppose it was none of my business to stick my nose into your mother's affairs, but then on the other hand what the hell is a friend for if they don't protect those they love? I was protecting you that's all.'  Greatly relieved, I then asked, 'Did you like my dad when you talked with him at the hotel?'  'Very much,' she replied. 'Very, very much indeed. He is genuinely concerned about both you and Julie and has offered to help. That's all you need to know for now, and don't go telling Julie about this discussion. Bud appears to be a wonderful man, a hell sight better than that asshole Guy Foss! If only your father would have quit his senseless drinking while they were still married, you and Julie wouldn't be in this mess. Now you are all suffering because of it·all three of you·you, Julie and Bud.  I'm going to tell you something and I want you to keep this to yourself. Bud still loves Julie. He told me this in confidence and I believe him. Saddest of all, I pity the man. He said he has paid more than dearly for his alcohol abuse, lost all in the world that ever mattered to him. I can only pray to God some miracle happens and he can help to make right all the wrongs you three have suffered. BUT·I'd pray to the devil himself if he would get that God damned Guy Foss out of all our lives!'" 

Dr: (Laugh) "Yes, I recall your saying that Sue detested Guy."

WW: "She despised, detested and hated everything about the man! The mere mention of his name would cause her blood pressure to rise and her face to redden, followed by a verbal barrage of obscene adjectives describing her opinion of him. I think I told you earlier in our interview that she would not step one foot upon our property line when he was at home. And, God knows Guy had best not step one foot on hers! Sue had made it clear to everyone in our neighborhood that she owned a pistol and that should any uninvited son-of-a-bitch dare to trespass on her property, 'He'd walk out of her yard minus his ass and head!' She meant what she said. However, Guy was the person she meant it for."

Dr: (Laughs) "How funny! This is like a comic strip. I love the humor in this! And you say Guy felt the same way towards Sue?"

WW: "You bet! Their hatred towards each other began long before Mom and I moved in with Guy. I don't know what first started it. Sue probably didn't remember either, but she had no intention whatsoever of ever trying to make peace or bury the hatchet. She said, 'When I hate, I hate to the bone! And I will hate that son-of-a-bitch till the day hell freezes over!'"

Dr: "Considering their feud, it amazes me that Sue and your mother could have become best friends."

WW: "Guy did everything in his power to try and prevent the friendship between the two of them, but to no avail. Mom had a definite mind of her own, and was determined to like and befriend anyone she so chose. She adored Sue and that was that! She would visit Sue on her property and agreed not to have Sue at our home when Guy was there. That's the way it would be! I recall Guy and Mom having an argument on the subject. Guy said, 'That mean, ornery, crazy bitch is NEVER to step foot on my property when I am here!' 'You don't have to worry about that happening,' Mom replied. 'Sue said she would rather face torture by fire then to come face to face with you! When you're away I will have anyone I wish in this house.' Despite his wishes, whenever Guy was away from home Sue was always at our place. When he was at home we were at hers. As everything turned it, it was fortunate for Mom and I that Sue and Guy had this feud going on between them, for in the end it was this feud which actually saved us."

Dr: "Please go on. I would love to hear how this occurred. But first let's go back to that letter, the letter you were to give to your mother."

WW: "By the time I had arrived home it was early evening. Guy and Bucky were in the living room watching TV. I knew Guy was still angry because he didn't speak to me when I walked into the room. Mom was in the kitchen preparing dinner, so I joined her there to share my day's experiences. When I was sure that Guy and Bucky could not hear me I whispered to her, 'Mom, my dad gave me a letter to give you. It's a secret letter that Sue said Guy can't see.' Mom walked into the living room to tell Guy that she and I were going outside to talk and that dinner would be ready within the hour.

"We sat beneath a willow tree far behind the house. Mom opened the letter and in so doing several loose bills fell to the ground. I collected them for her and, to my astonishment, I counted five $100 bills in all. She appeared to be even more startled than I. 'Oh, no! No! No!', she exclaimed. She had a seriously pained expression on her face. 'Oh, Mom! Now we have some money! We can get a house together and leave here!' I whispered in excitement. Instead of answering me she motioned me to be silent. I watched her face intently as she read my father's letter. It was only seconds before tears trailed down her cheeks. Few things upset me more than seeing my mother cry. She did not do it often, but when she did, it was usually because she was angry or disgusted with herself. Never had I seen her cry from self-pity. It was for these reasons that her tears upset me so - because she cried only for others. She refused to see, that due to the circumstances of her sad life, she, too, deserved them.  As she read my father's words I knew her tears were caused by what he had written. Finally she finished her letter, folded it, and placed it back in its envelope. 'What is it Mom? Is it something awful?', I asked with sincere concern. 'Oh no, Sweetheart, no,' she replied. 'It's a wonderful letter. Nothing is wrong. I was crying because it was nice to hear from him again, and because of his thoughtfulness in trying to give us money. Now here, put this money in your pocket. When you are alone, find a safe place to hide it so that Bucky or Guy won't know. Bud shouldn't have sent cash for God's sake! I will change it into a money order and you must mail it back to him along with a thank you note for having come to see you.' 'Oh, Mama, please·no. Let's keep it. We can never get that much money again. This is our only way out of here. We can use it to move away,' I begged. 'No. I will not accept it,' she stated firmly. 'Bud does not owe us anything. When I left him, I left because I chose to. He did not ask, or want me to leave. This is a great deal of money, and he's only a carpenter. Bud doesn't have a lot of money, Wally. He has responsibilities and expenses of his own to worry about. Besides, my health is improving a bit more everyday. It will not be long before I will be able to get a job and save the money we need to find our own place.' Despite the fact that she believed what she said, I knew the likelihood of her ever getting well enough to work again was an impossibility. As much as I hated to face the fact, it was obvious her condition had worsened. Her heart surgery had not been the success we had prayed it would be. Having been her caregiver, I was well versed by her doctor on the tell tale signs of heart failure - swollen ankles, fatigue, shortness of breath and, most frightening of all, the cast of blue upon the lips which showed a lack of sufficient oxygen being supplied to the heart. Mom had symptoms of all of these. I tried my best to ignore these truths. It was easier to pretend she was getting better and to ignore the possibility that she might die. I also knew she possessed a great sense of pride and was stubbornly determined to carry her own responsibilities. She would not take handouts or charity from anyone. This was not a matter of personal ego, but rather her sincere belief that 'everyone has their own problems; God never gives us more that we can handle; where there's a will there is a way'. 'I've always cut off my own nose to spite my face,' she often times said. 'I got us into this and it's for me to get us out of it.' Yes, I knew by her very nature that she would not keep the money. But at least for that moment I held hope that I might convince her to accept this greatly needed 'help' just once.

"That night before going to bed I did exactly as Mom had told me to do. While Bucky was in the bathroom brushing his teeth, I frantically scurried about our bedroom trying to find the perfect and safest place to hide our money.  I thought of hiding in under my mattress, or perhaps into a rolled pair of socks, or maybe tucking it into the toe of a shoe. No, I decided, any of these hiding places would be far too common and obvious. And then it came to me! I remembered that when I had assembled the body of the 1955 white Cadillac El Dorado model car my father have given me, that there was a plastic strip of molded auto parts (muffler, gas tank and such) that attached to the bottom of the car. I snapped the molded plastic strip open. Although it was a convertible, the inside shell, between the wheels and the bottom of the seats, was hollow. I had discovered the perfect secret hiding place! I neatly folded the five $100 bills together and slipped them safely inside, then reattached the bottom cover. I placed my car back on top of my dresser where I kept if for viewing, then scurried into my bed before Bucky entered our room. I lay there in the darkness feeling very proud of my cleverness. 'This is Mom's and my "get away" car,' I mused to myself. $500! Now, if only I could convince Mom to at least 'borrow' the money, since she refused to keep it; then she and I could finally get away. We could rent a pretty house, perhaps with a pool· for just the two of us·somewhere far, far away from Guy and Bucky and all the sad and hard times. For the first time in my life that I could ever remember, I fell to sleep that night with a feeling of hope. I would just have to find someway to convince my mother not to return the $500. Without it, there would be no way we would ever be able to change our lives.

"When I awoke the following morning Bucky was not in his bed beside me. He had already dressed without waking me and had left the room. I looked at my bureau where I had left my car. A feeling of nausea gripped my stomach when I noticed it was not there! I bolted from my bed as if hit by a crow bar. 'It had to be Bucky who's taken it', I said to myself. I pulled on my jeans and a tee shirt as quickly as I could and ran into the kitchen barefoot. Bucky was sitting at the dining table waiting for his breakfast, a coy sheepish grin on his face. Guy was behind him at the stove preparing bacon and eggs, his back towards me.

'Hey, Bucky·give me back my car!' I said. 'What car?', he answered back. 'I don't know what you're talking about. I don't have your dumb car.' 'Come on Bucky·give it back,' I pleaded, terrified he may have discovered and taken the $500 I had hidden inside. Guy turned to face me. It was apparent by his facial expression that he was in a menacing mood. I had experienced his cold anger many times before. It was more than obvious he was upset about something and I had, therefore, better watch what I say. 'What makes you think Bucky stole your sissy car?' His words were spoken slowly, distinctly and in a manner I knew to be threatening. I feared what he might be up to·that perhaps it was he who had taken my car and discovered what I had hidden within it. 'It's my car, Guy. My dad gave it to me. I just want it back,' I asked as normally as possible. 'Well, you're not getting it back, you selfish little punk! Bucky didn't get a toy car so while the hell should you?' 'Because my dad gave it to me as a gift. Bucky gets presents from his mother all the time. She doesn't give me any, but I don't get jealous,' I answered.

Guy walked up to me, grabbed me by the neck and slammed my head hard into the kitchen wall. 'ARE YOU CALLING ME "JEALOUS" YOU LITTLE SON-OF-A-BITCH?', he snarled. 'YOU GOD DAMNED SELFISH LITTLE BASTARD! I COULD KILL YOU!' He lunged towards me and grabbed me by my arm. 'Let me go, Guy! Mom! Mom!' I yelled as loudly as I could. 'She's not here! She's visiting Sue, so you can save your breath yelling for her, you little mama's boy.' He then grabbed me by an ear and pulled me to the kitchen table. 'Now sit your ass down and eat your breakfast!', he demanded. 'I've fixed you something special today.' I did exactly as he said and sat as motionless as possible so as not to provoke him any further. He placed a hot plate of bacon and eggs before Bucky. From behind me I could hear Guy walk to the refrigerator door, remove something and then walk back towards me. He placed a carton of milk and a bowl with something green, which looked like spinach in front of me. 'Now you eat it! You eat every fuckin' mouthful! And you're not leaving this table until you do!', he belted.

I knew I had best keep quiet and do as he say. Unsure as to what was in the bowl I reached for the milk carton and poured milk over the green spinach-like substance. Guy passed me the sugar bowl and I sprinkled a teaspoon of sugar on top. It was then that I realized the bowl was full of lawn·grass clippings, the grass clippings Joanie and I had frozen to save for the birds. 'Please, Guy, I can't eat that. That's grass. Please don't make me eat that,' I begged. I tried to sound as pathetic as I could so he might feel sorry for me. 'YOU FIXED IT! YOU EAT IT! Do you think I go out and buy a new freezer with my hard earned money so that you can play sissy cooking games? Do you think Goddamned grass belongs in my freezer? What kind of a stupid punk are you?', he bellowed.

His voice was so loud and angry I was more than afraid. As quickly as I could I gulped a spoonful and swallowed it. 'I DON'T want you to gulp it! I WANT you to chew it! And when you finish this bowl your going to get more!' With his last comment he slapped me along side my head. 'WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO SOMETHING SO STUPID?' He slapped me again. I'm not sure whether if was from fright or humiliation, but I recall being so scared that I began to cry. 'WE DO NOT HAVE CRY BABIES IN THIS HOUSE, WALLY!', he continued. 'Now you explain to me why the hell you did such a stupid thing?' 'I did it for the birds, Guy!', I cried. "I did it so the birds would have something to eat next winter when all the grass and leaves are dead. I didn't mean to do anything wrong. Honest, I didn't. I just did it for the birds.' 'STUPID! YOU ARE SO DAMN STUPID!', he yelled into my ear. 'NOW YOU EAT EVERY BIT OF IT!' I put my spoon back into my mouth and did as he said. I chewed the grass slowly, I did not gulp as told.

I had not heard Mom enter house, and I'm sure neither did Guy or Bucky, but suddenly there before us was mom standing in the kitchen doorway. 'What's going on here?', she asked. I could tell by her expression she was uncertain as to what was happening. 'I'm teaching your son a needed lesson about senseless waste and disrespect for other peoples things', Guy answered. 'I don't understand. What is he eating? What is this about?'

Mom had a very suspicious and inquisitive look upon her face. Her question to Guy was spoken cautiously but demandingly. She walked to my side, took my spoon from my hand and set it aside. She then picked up the bowl to observe what it held. 'I don't believe this. I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS! HOW IN GOD'S NAME COULD YOU DO THIS TO A CHILD, GUY?' Her voice sounded so mournful, so disbelieving. I could feel the anguish coming from deep inside of her. 'I did it to teach him a lesson," Guy answered as if he hoped to sincerely be understood. He literally whined his words like an abused child being mistreated - just as he had done the day he killed Brutus. 'YOU EAT IT YOU MEAN SON-OF-A-BITCH!', mom cried. 'YOU SWALLOW IT, YOU MONSTER!' I watched in disbelief as mom threw the contents of the bowl into Guy's face.

Bucky and I sat frozen in horror as we watched her slap Guy's face from side to side. 'MAMA, DON'T!', I begged. She was so upset and angry I feared what might happen to her heart. I had never ever seen her this angry or upset before. This was the first and only time I had ever known her behavior to be violent in any way.   'Please Mama? Please stop, Mama?' 'Wally, go across the street to Sue's house and stay there. We are leaving and never coming back into this house again! I want you to leave right this minute! Get your shoes and whatever else you need as quickly as you can. Just take what you need for now. We'll get the rest of our things later. Now go!'

'NO! YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE! YOU'RE STAYING HERE WITH ME!', Guy yelled to me. 'Your mother is crazy! Don't you know that? You're staying here with me!' I could not believe what I was hearing! Guy was asking me to stay with him? Nothing could have possibly surprised me more. He reached out and grabbed my arm, but I pulled away as Mom slapped him once again.

'RUN! DO AS I SAY, WALLY! RUN!', Mom pleaded with me. Everything was happening so quickly and violently. I was so upset and confused I didn't know what to do. And then it came to me! 'I've got to get our money,' I thought to myself. 'I can't leave here without the money I have hidden in the car.' 'Give me my car, Bucky! I have to have my car!', I begged. My stepbrother sat there motionless. He was so upset by what was occurring that he did not respond to my need. 'I'VE GOT TO HAVE MY CAR, BUCKY·PLEASE!', I cried. 'WALLY· GO NOW! RUN!!', Mom yelled to me, pushing Guy backwards and out of arms length from me. I picked up my shoes and ran out the door barefoot, all the way across the street and into the safety of Sue's home."

End of Part Nine

NOTE: Walden Welch currently drives a 2001 white Cadillac El Dorado 'Get Away' car.

Next Episode:

Wheel Barrels, Wagons and Trains

Top of Page

Part One: In Touch With His Soul

   Part Two: White Feathers, White Feathers Everywhere!

Part Three:  The Promise

Part Four:  The Librarian

Part Five:  Mean Miss Daisy

Part Six:  The Truth About Farvy

Part Seven:  The Strange Case of Susan-I-Tis

Part Eight:  The Palomino

©2001 Walden Welch. All Rights Reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part in any form
or medium without the express written permission of Walden Welch is prohibited.